Is It Legal To Sell Your Brothers?

So … in the interests of a future short story, I’ve been out in the cold with the bro, doing a spot of historical research. There were the usual vigorous sibling discussions, which stopped just short of violence because it was so cold we couldn’t feel our hands, and of course neither of us was wearing gloves because gloves are for wimps.

Armed with google printouts, guide books, and hand-drawn notes we prowled around, pointing and pacing, enthusiastically not listening to each other until other visitors began to edge away. Only when we were virtually the only people left did we eventually reach a bloodless consensus. And we were freezing to death as well.

Obviously, lunch was called for – not least because we knew the pub would have a roaring fire. There was a great deal of cruet and cutlery manipulation as we demonstrated our conflicting arguments and then the food turned up and we lost interest.

There was further discussion in the car on the way home – although we were too stuffed to come to blows – and eventually we reached to a kind of conclusion and parted, more or less amicably, all ready to do it again the next time.

On reaching home, I made myself a cup of tea, fired up the laptop to do some further research, and the first thing I found was a site demonstrating, without any shadow of a doubt, that we’d both been completely, utterly, and totally wrong. I sent the bro the link so he could check it out for himself – and, obviously, to rub salt into any gaping wounds he might still be suffering.

I think the moral of the story is – stay in the warm and just google any information required.

It’s not all work and no play, though. I spent Saturday afternoon learning a new skill – dirty pouring. It’s great fun. Although, I did manage to get paint over everything – me, anyone within a twenty-foot radius, the tables, the chairs, the floor, and – somehow – my brother’s car, which was parked about fifty yards away. I have no idea how that happened. I was wearing a hazmat suit for most of the afternoon, so as I say – a bit of a mystery. I do recommend it, however. The dirty pouring – not the hazmat suit. Messy but therapeutic.

PS – For anyone concerned about my worryingly abusive sibling relationships – the paint-covered car belongs to a different brother than the one currently recovering from this morning’s hypothermia. And before anyone feels too sorry for them, they were both supposed to support me at my recent Waterstones book signing, and whenever I looked up there was no sign of them. As one of them attempted to explain afterwards – ‘You seemed to be doing OK so we pushed off upstairs to have a coffee.’

I am aware that, in principle, selling people is a Bad Thing, but surely

 there must be instances where exceptions can be made.

22 thoughts on “Is It Legal To Sell Your Brothers?

  1. My brother and I fought all the way through our childhood. Mom tells me that as a baby he would reach into the crib and pinch me to make me cry. Fortunately and surprisingly he’s turned out to be pretty good big brother. Too bad it took us well into adulthood to get along.

  2. Hi Jodi
    Never sell anything to soon before you’ve both checked current market prices and done long term research into wether a situation may arise in the future that you haven’t anticipated! Maybe he can’t run as fast as you and that may be pertinent in a zombie apocalypse scenario.
    Well you never know.
    Ability to carry heavy loads and forage all good points to consider.
    Finally always confer with mum and dad – you never know they may already have considered it! – They’ll always offer good advice if nothing else.
    Loved the painting style – deffo going to try that with the kids.
    Still enjoying the books too – thanks
    Len R.
    Chauvinist!! (but in decline) 😐👍

  3. Hi Jodi, from Lexington, MA, where it’s well below freezing out. First of all, thank you for risking hypothermia, and spending time with your brother, solely to keep up with our never-ending, ravenous demands for more of your writing! You are too kind.

    I don’t believe human trafficking is legal in the UK at the moment. However, the good news is that from my personal experience, an awful brother can become a kind, loving, helping sibling when he grows up. So, all you need to do is simply wait until your brothers have grown up, and then they’ll become wonderful siblings! I hope it won’t take too terribly long.

    • I love you don’t know how old we are!! We’ve all been grown up for a very long time. We are better than we were. We rarely come to blows these days – you know, maturity and all that.

  4. Okay it maybe illegal to sell a bro or two, but why not swap ’em for sisters? Loads of us DMs of the female persuasion would be only too pleased to be Hobart sisters!

  5. How many brothers are you looking to offload? My agéd mother could probably do with one – you know – for the heavy lifting and such.

  6. I have long wished I had siblings but mainly so I’d have someone to share memories with, so that might not work out too well.

  7. I am hoping said research could be part of an upcoming Markham mishap in the St Mary Chronicles, perhaps, pretty please?

  8. Your poured canvases are pretty. But the building … wow! Did a bit of Googling myself, to find out what the building is. Google is so smart. It informs me that the building in the photograph is an Historical Site! Wow! Who knew? I’m so impressed with Google’s knowledge. *sigh* Afraid I can’t comment on the other part as I have no siblings.

  9. It is certain that each of your parents loved one of you the most but they never let on. That uncertainty causes you to vie for a missing parents love when you are together but they are not. Hopeless really. Just draw straws for the roles of Mum’s favorite and Dad’s favorite. Then you can dispute the validity of drawing straws and come out with accusations like the Smother’s brothers. You can do that indoors while you practice making eggnog so you will be sure to keep your skills honed for Christmas. Then you will be freed of your suspicions and feel like it is a holiday, My ex had a mother who pointed out on the fingers of her hand her favorites beginning with her sister and going on to all three children in an unchanging order. His dad would be in the background grousing loudly that he was “on the thumb” which was just not good enough.

  10. I had two brothers also, and both were pains in my backside as I’m the eldest. Sadly, my youngest died of cancer at age 50 and now I think he wasn’t so bad after all. I’m sure you actually cherish your brothers, but if you don’t you should.

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