Good morning everyone, I hope your day is going better than mine. I know the sun has barely crept over the horizon but I have already:
- Hit my head on my bedside table.
- Knocked over my bedside lamp – not unconnected with a) above
- Lost my internet connection, resulting in frantic key stabbing. I’ve got it back but can’t remember the series of keystrokes that led to its restoration.
- Spilled my tea – on second thoughts, that particular disaster should probably have come first.
- Trodden on my phone which, for some inexplicable reason, I had left on the floor.
- Pulled the toilet roll holder over, resulting in unrolling on a massive scale and a great deal of toilet roll chasing. I only needed a Labrador puppy and Andrex could have filmed their next advert in my bathroom.
- Run out of toothpaste. I knew there was something I needed from the shop yesterday but my mind went as I walked through the door and I came out with an enormous bar of Galaxy Salted Caramel instead.
I’ve only been up twenty minutes. It hardly seems possible. As I keep explaining to people – this is what happens when you don’t stay safely in bed, working on your next book. The world is a dangerous place. Or – and I haven’t discounted this – I’m under some sort of curse.
Anyway, the word has filtered down from cloud-cloaked Accent Press – All hail Accent Press – that I’ve got a busy month ahead of me and to warn people – sorry – to advise people that I might be in your area over the next few weeks.
Firstly, I’ve been asked to speak at the Festive Afternoon Tea at Crathorne Hall, near Yarm. This is a very worthy cause and I’m extremely honoured. That’s on 7th December.
Barely will the world have recovered from that when I’m at Northallerton Library – my old stamping ground. I’m actually quite surprised they’re letting me back in. The words, ‘And never darken our doors again,’ did float across the car park when I left. And although a large number of them came to the station with me to see me off on my Turkey adventure, that was, apparently, only to ensure I was safely out of the county. That’s on 8th December, in, I believe, the Reference Library. Should be interesting to see how much I can lower the tone there, as well.
And finally, on the morning of 9th December, I’m at the White Rose Bookshop in Thirsk, signing everything put in front of me and trying to talk and drink tea at the same time. That rarely ends well.
Oh – for those of you who like to plan ahead – always the sign of a diseased mind – I’m at Waterstones Bookshop in Gloucester on 20th January, next year. I can’t believe Accent Press are letting me out like this, but my instructions are to stand still, smile, and not wave my arms around or break anything. I can make no promises.
Interestingly, I notice they’ve removed, ‘Try and look normal,’ from their list. Hmmm ….